Festival Fever
 SCHEDULE
Creamfields

Don’t make jokes about light-fingered Scallies. Kevin Keegan felt the full force of Scouse outrage recently when he joked about the dangers of leaving his car unattended near the Liverpool ground. Similarly, ironically wearing a false ‘tache and a Shellsuit is so passé.

Celeb spotters should try a game of Brookside watch, seeing who can spot the most members of the popular TV soap. Round the five-a-side football pitch isn’t a bad place to start.

Make a point of seeing Yousef, the local boy made good. Scousers like to look after their own and Yousef’s set is often the most euphorically received and exciting.